Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
