but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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