i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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