uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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