i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
