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I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
