No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
