what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
