No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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