In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
