dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
