I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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