His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
