He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
