She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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