What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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