If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
