She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
