If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
