Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
