We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
