Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
