she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
