Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
