From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Terrible idea I love it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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