hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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