You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
