captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He passed out mid-signature
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
