I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
