I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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