i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
