Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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