Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
