This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
