I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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