I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
