Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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