I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
