im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
