I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
