Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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