is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
