There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
