have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
