Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
