who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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