Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
