i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
