Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
