I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
