I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
