i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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