I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
