The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
