i would punch a child for taco bell
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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