it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
